On Task (kind of)

We all know I need a plan so I don't stress the hell out while playing this.  The next step is actually making one.  This is where it gets messy, because every class has so many things to do for it.  Simply saying that you're going to "gear up" whichever job is far too vague and could also take months to do.

Naturally, that's exactly what I'm doing because I'm an idiot.

Sometimes, you just have to accept your flaws and keep it moving.  So let's discuss what I'm doing and check my progress.  I figure by telling all three of you that are reading this about what's going on, it will help to keep me focused and maybe even prevent me from losing my mind.  Maybe.

It doesn't exist...

Ah, good old Voidwatch.  Lately, I've been spam-joining groups that I find for Ig-Alima.  Yes, I'm still searching for the ever-elusive Borealis great sword.  The Hoarfrost Blade gets the job done, but I want my shiny death blade.  I've been in the group with Ephexis most of the time, and he always makes an interesting alliance.  Aside from that, the drop rate on this is beyond horrible.  I have seen more Wroth Scythes in this run than all other weapons combined.  Stupid scythe.

Playing with Wyrms

I can only imagine how many lude comments will be made from the above title, but I'll leave that your imagination.  I think I am part of a hopefully dying breed of damage dealers who still don't have the E. Body armor.  Unfortunately, Nidhogg hasn't been to helpful in getting me out of that group.  Instead, he lovingly hands over some scales and other useless nonsense.  Not even a Ridill.  The good news is that once I have it, I can stress myself out over getting the actual cursed armor.  It's good to know what your future holds.  Although it hasn't dropped a damn thing except a load of disappoint for me, Bey was lucky enough to get her first piece of "king's gear," the Dalmatica!

Even though it's old...

With me and my awesome self-esteem issues, I was somewhat thankful when the Empyrean armor came out.  My reasoning?  I never got anything completed in Salvage.  While it sounds like a poor excuse, which it is, it was good to know there was an armor option out there that I finally had access to.  No longer did you have to wear Ares if you wanted to be a damage dealer, or Skadi if you were a thief.  Mages weren't confined to the stigma of being considered pitiful without a Morrigan's Robe.  In a way, it's comforting that some of the "casuals" could finally take part in end game.  Of course, now there are too many casuals who have no clue what the hell they're doing in these types of events, making things harder for many.  I suppose there really isn't a happy medium for this sort of thing.

Anyway, now there is the Level 99 Salvage, commonly referred to as "Neo Salvage."  Adding "Neo" to the name apparently makes it more epic sounding than "Level 99."  As I'm sure you already know, now the original Salvage armor can be augmented to be even more awesome than it was before.  So you know what that means...everyone and thier mother is rushing to get through the original tier.  This also means that I once again have felt the pressure to get this gear.  Well, I don't have a group for it, and since my gear was never really all that awesome originally, it's difficult to convince people to let me in now.  However, Lisamarie and Milhouse have been supportive enough to invite me when they have go in.  It's been an interesting experience, to say the least.  I do want to get better so I don't feel like such a third wheel, but I know that will come in time.

Rush to 100!

Speaking of Neo and remakes, there is also the new Nyzul Isle Uncharted Survey.  Granted, while neither Neo-Salvage or "Neo Nyzul Isle" are actually brand new, they are new as far as I'm concerned.  The Askar, Denali, and Goliard sets have made a triumphant comeback and you can once again see people standing in Port Jeuno with this very pretty armor.  Well, except Goliard.  That was never pretty.  The armor has new names (Phorcys, Thaumus, Nares) and very awesome stats to go with them.  The new Salvage armor can beat out this new gear, but no one is going to look at you in a negative light for showing up with NNI armor.

While the new Salvage is considerably easier than before, that's not the case with NNI.  Square-Enix decided to make this event particularly difficult for the players.  The worst part about NNI is the fact that there are no save points like before.  Now, you have to make it from 1-100 in 30 minutes.  Even with the floor jumps, you are heavily dependent on luck to get you through.  Because of this, players have to bring their A-game every single time.  There truly is no room for screw ups.  Finishing with only seconds to go is far from uncommon.  I've joined a couple of shout groups that went horribly wrong, but luckily Rocko recently invited me to his group and I've been having a lot of fun there.  Hopefully, I can make that a common thing and stick with them.  I'm more or less a standy person at the moment, but it's better than nothing.

Trials, trials, trials

Yeah.  I set myself up for all types of issues with this.  Why I have so many Empyrean trials active is beyond my understanding, but it's what I've done.  So, I'm slowly trying to get through whatever I can when I find the opportunity (and people) to do so.  Bey and Frice have been extremely helpful, and Misiisii / Dierdren have helped out whenever possible as well.  The flavor of the month for now is this Twashtar, since it was the very first Empyrean I ever attempted to complete.  With luck, I'll have my popsicle knife soon.  That would be kind of nifty.

Well, there's more for me to blog about and I have a few more pictures to add, but Swk's on me about going to finish these iron plates. Yes, I'm working on that too. I know....I know.

Plans

As anyone who has read more than two blogs here can tell, I get stressed easily by this game.  Which is funny when you consider my line of work requires me to have a calm disposition and analyze / solve problems.  Great at my job, horrible at this game.  Well, whatever.

A conversation a few days ago put me on this huge thinking path.  I was just bitching (well, whining) to one of my friends about things here, and he asked me a very simple question that I couldn't directly answer.

"What's your goal?"

Damn you, Swk.  Making me think so much.  Honestly, I couldn't tell him.  You know how you have people that are experts in certain aspects?  They can work magic in any one thing, which makes them seem like they can do anything.  That's not me.  I'm no expert in anything, but I can do some of everything.  I realize I'm that way in life as well as this game.  However, that doesn't work so well for FFXI as it does in reality. 

He asked me what I was working on, and I started listing several things.  I have partial currency for a relic, items for 5 Empyrean weapons, a plethora of +2 items, all sorts of abjurations, and various sorts of other things that aren't done.  The first thing he told me, after saying "wow", was "focus".  That has always been my issue, and I believe it could also be the source of my stress.

I'm too scattered.  My fear of being inadequate for linkshells and groups has put me on this path to improve without focusing on what I want to improve on.  When it comes down to it, you can spend your entire time in FFXI working on one single class.  Me?  I'm working on everything that a person could ask me to change to.  Stressing out over getting a Tessera Saio, or my Enhancing magic capped, or pissy because I haven't got an Armada Hauberk yet.  Upset over my perceived lack of usefulness due to not having level 99 weapons.  All this stuff can make you crazy.

So now, I realize what I need is a plan.  This is harder than it sounds, because planning means I have to do something I am definitely not comfortable with: asking for help.  Most of what I do is by myself, which is also what leads to me being so scattered.  I do what I can by myself, and then switch to something else until someone happens to be available to help me with what I was doing before.  Of course, since I won't ask for help, I end up moving on to several projects by the time someone is available.  Then I stress out because I don't have inventory space and all these unfinished projects that I've obligated myself to do.  It's a vicious circle, and I understand that it's my doing.

The next question is, "What do I do to fix it?"  Well, I'm not going to just trash everything that I've done and promise to do things one at a time because that would be stupid.  I'm going to need some help, both with getting projects done and also keeping myself from getting into this position in the first place.  Easier said than done for me, but it has to be done.  I know I'm not going to stick to a single project because I'll get bored if I can't work on it constantly. So I'll do a few things and leave it at that.  Truly, just a few things.

One other thing that I've been having difficulty with is money.  Not only in making it, but spending it.  Granted, I don't have the umpteen bazillion gil that I see many of these others with, but I can afford to spend some money on a few upgrades.  Which is exactly what I started doing.  Part of improving requires some purchases.  Sure, there are better options out there which are r/ex, but until I can get that, I have to get at least something.  Small upgrades here and there, but they will all help out in the long run.  Not to mention, it's hard to be taken seriously if you're too afraid to put in effort or risk being broke just so you can make yourself better.

Speaking of scattered, I'm trying to write this blog while doing Voidwatch.  I really need to stop multi-tasking so much.

Changing Perceptions

Another day of not being able to go to work.  This is getting frustrating.

Since I've nothing else going on besides taking medication and paying bills while eating my soup, it's time for more FFXI.  Early morning gaming is always a challenge because most of my friends aren't here and the people who are around are Japanese.  This is why I should really use my Rosetta Stone more often.

I hopped on a Jeuno III Voidwatch clear just for giggles.  Not as if I actually need the clears, but that Phasmida Belt from Kaggen eludes me to this day.  So what the hell.  I figured this would beat standing around while Vipooo (however many o's his name has now) shouts for yet another leech party in [A]-Altepa.  Naturally, Kaggen didn't give up the goods.  I did get several metal plates, so that was nice.  Poor as I am, I could use the gil.  Of course, I could also save the plates and one day upgrade a weapon to 95.  I'll more than likely sell it, because I like having monies.

Just as my run was nearing its end, I caught sight of a shout for Odin v2.  I was definitely curious and was thinking of trying it out.  Then I saw a comment in the LS chatter: "that shout is going to be a disaster."  There was no following conversation about how the person shouting was a horrible newbie or awful player.  Just a standard assumption that they would fail because it's a pickup group.  I have to wonder, with so many people walking around with level 99 Relics and Empyreans, how is it that pickup groups with these same people are immediately dismissed as failures?

I somewhat understand the stigma they carried in past years.  People didn't have all the stuff they have now, and most who did the shouting were unable to get into linkshells who had the skill / strength needed to achieve victory.  But now?  I was amazed the first time I saw someone with a level 99 Empyrean, and now they're more or less commonplace.  99 Twashtars, Mandaus, Ragnaroks, Apocalypse, and everything under the sun.  They're everywhere.  The amount of gil people have nowadays is staggering.  I see Salvage, Nyzul, augmented Dynamis gear, and Voidwatch armor all over the place.  Sure, I still see some Perle and the occasional person wearing a Scorpion Harness, but they are few and far between compared to years ago.

So, if practically the entire server is geared to the teeth, how is it that a pickup group of random people with superior gear still destined to fail?  Now my next statement is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but truly...remember when people on the forums would say that gear isn't everything and they were immediately razed by the high-end players about gear making the player, and the "skill > gear" argument was only made by those incapable of getting good equipment?

If so many have finally increased their gear, but the stigma of pickup groups with these well-equipped players still remains, could it be that the "skill > gear" argument was actually valid?  Could those people have been right all along?

Things that make you go..."lol".

Oh!  I took a screenshot.  Shut up about my gear.  I'm working on it. >.>

I'm cute; I know this. 

 

 

Also, make comments, damn it!  I can tell that I'm not the only one reading my blogs, so say something!

Swinging

Back into things.  Get your minds out of the gutter.

So I was sent home again today.  I'm fine as long as I don't try talking too much or exerting myself with actions such as walking up / down stairs.  I tell you, being sick is not fun in the slightest.  So, after coming home, taking medicine, and making myself go to sleep for awhile...I signed on.  Not surprising, eh?

Anyway, things started off pretty slowly as I stood around Port Jeuno.  I searched through my inventory and found some +2 items that I could turn in and free up a bit of space.  After that, I started reading FFXIAH and looking at various forum posts while checking the shouts to see if there was anything I'd be up for joining.  As it turns out, Keyoku happened to be in the midst of a Meeble Burrows shout.  I had seen a couple of them and decided to pass since I had already done the Adjunct level before I left.  Little did I know, because I didn't read, that the new Batallia Downs edition also had an Adjunct level, which is what people had been shouting for.  Fail on my part.

So I hopped into Key's party and off we went.  For the most part, I enjoy Meeble Burrows.  It's fairly quick, with each mission only giving you 15 minutes. I'm thankful that the party I was with didn't make me wait forever while they gathered and they weren't slow while completing the objectives.  We did have a couple of objectives that were just flat out stupid, such as this deal where you have to run around the map, mine one stupid piece of ore, then run all the way back to the entrance to hand it to an NPC.  All while avoiding enemies because you're penalized if you aggro anything.  Of course, your party has to turn in 9 of these ores in order to fully complete the objective.  Sometimes, I think SE just puts together bullshit missions because they don't know what else to do.

I also got a chance to taste the new Embrava nerf.  Sure, we weren't getting the awesome TP boost that we got before, but it honestly didn't keep us from winning the fight either.  I might be speaking ahead of myself, but it really doesn't seem that bad.  I think we have just become too depedent on the easy-mode button that Embrava has given us.  Yes, I'm speaking blasphemy by suggesting such a thing, but I don't give a damn.  I don't feel well and I'm tired.  Two reasons to basically not give a shit.  It's awesome.

After the fun with the Meebles, I had a couple of NM sets on me that I could use for my latest Empyreans.  Key was more than willing to help out with getting those done, and we may even team up to duo the rest.  That would be nice.  We didn't stay out there for long, but I did manage to get a few more items, and I even have a Glavoid set ready to go.  To end the night, I happened to see a shout by Ephexis for Ig-Alima.  I have no idea how useful it is, but I am still hoping to one day own a Borealis.  The name sound cool, and the sword glows.  If it's pretty, I'm interested.  Enough said.

My hopes are that my time here in Vana'diel are as productive (or at least as eventful) as today.  If so, then coming back might not be so bad after all.  I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Also, I need to take some screenshots.  This blog isn't nearly as pretty without pictures. =/

Where is Home?

According to the old saying, it's where the heart is.  Sounds nice, and I can see that applying here after a time.  However, in terms of linkshells...what makes a good home?

Now that I've returned, I have the awesome challenge of choosing a linkshell.  I truly am thankful for having the option, as I still see people in Port Jeuno shouting to be let into a shell.  So my challenge is choosing one that will best fit me, my playstyle, and my goals.  So let's take a look at my current options.

The Hate (http://thehate.guildwork.com)

This is the last established shell I was in before I left.  Led by Shanian / Virgil, the shell is comprised of a mixture between former Infinita and Excellence members.  The schedule is aimed towards European players (usually right around 3pm my time).  They have fairly high requirements for players, and while they take on the stance of a social shell at times, they have done some high end events.  The core members formed a little group that they do the majority of side missions with, which leaves the rest to either solo or dual box to get the things they need.  In terms of helpfulness, they do give advice and from time to time they are willing to give a breakdown of what you need to improve.  For the most part, they are an advanced group who already expects you to know what is needed.  Some will come through for you in a clutch when you really need it.

Excellence (http://ex-online.guildwork.com)

If you were once on Hades, this LS needs no introduction.  I would say the same for Cerberus, but times have changed.  EX was known as the top-tier linkshell on Hades.  Originally led by Stanislav, creator of Guildwork, the shell has made a name for themselves as the best of the best.  The players always had the best gear and were known for getting things done that others could not.  Things took a change when we arrived on Cerberus, and while they are still known among the best, reality and time took its toll on the shell.  Unfortunately, some internal drama caused the LS to virtually fall apart last year and most people left the shell.  Recently, I've noticed the LS is rebuilding and I am one of the members who never destroyed the pearl.  After some conversation with Stan (not the original Stan), it looks as if I can still return to the shell.  Their playtime is 8pm - midnight EST, which is my time zone.  Of course, that time is a bit on the late side for me because I wake up for work at 4am everyday and am usually asleep by 11pm.  In terms of helpfulness, I don't know how this "Neo-Excellence" will turn out.  I only know what they were, and if you could get in their group, you were usually set and able to get whatever you needed.  Though you pretty much already had that if you were even to be considered let in to start with.

TheMoneyTeam

I don't know if they have a website or not.  Led by Misiisii (or at least, he's the voice most often heard), they are a mixed bag of players from all walks.  Many of them are newly leveled members who are looking to have fun and get things.  There are some veteran players who have taken a more casual approach to the game as well. Those players seem to have formed a small group of their own, but they still attend events when needed.  The shell has stated that they will help whoever needs it and they do Empyrean item farming regularly.  From what I can see, the LS is a generally nice group.  Everyone has said hello upon entry, and they are met with a greeting in return.  Admittedly, this is very nice because it's never fun to enter a shell full of mules and people who are afk.  I don't know where this LS plans to head in the future, but I do know that they want to do more end-game events as the members are built up and groomed for them.

XIVExcalibur

I don't know anything about this LS, other than it's a social shell that my friend Dierdren is in.  While I can't say anything about the shell, I do know Dierdren.  I'm sure many of you have heard of her as well.  She is a very accomplished player, with a lot of gear to her name.  In terms of skill, I know her to be a great White Mage and Bard.  She spends most of her time running around as a Dark Knight as of late, but that's not a class that I have witnessed her in action with.  Regardless, Dierdren has a knack for being a very sociable and likeable person.  There was some drama last year where she was in the center of some mess, but I think that time has passed and people don't pay as much attention to it now.

So, those are my options.  While it should always be a simple choice, I feel that choosing an LS is an important one.  You are judge according to who you hang with, after all.

What do you all think (those who bother still reading this)?  Where would you go?

That didn't take long

What day did I come back here?  Saturday, I think.  So it's Monday morning and I'm already having panic attacks.  Damn this game, I swear.

Last night, I was invited to hang out and help with The Hills Are Alive KSNM.  As luck would have it, I also needed the egg from that fight and just happened to have exactly 99 Kindred Seals left to my name.  So I switched to Dark Knight in order to help out with skillchains (Samurai would've been better, but I was lazy) and headed to the battlefield.  We didn't do many fights...4 total, I think, but we ended up going 2/4 with the eggs.  As it turns out, I was one of the two lucky winners.  So now I have all three items to get a black belt for my Monk class that I have sorely neglected.  Yay me!

Hoping to skip past the nonsense of the purple and brown belt quests, I borrowed a brown belt from Bey and ran to Neptune's Spire.  Of course it couldn't be that easy.  Head held down, I walked out of the spire and looked up where all these stupid NMs spawn.  Due to my packrat nature, I had most of what I needed for both belts.  I was just missing Nue's Fang, Malborger's Vine, and a Rampaging Horn.  Off to Nue I go, I suppose.

I didn't spend much time out there before it spawned, and I was lucky to go 1/1 with it.  That made me happy.  So next up was that damn Marlboro.  After spending what seemed like an hour just to reach the spawn location, I was somewhat thankful in the knowledge that no one could possibly stumble upon this NM by accident and kill it out of boredom.  To reach this thing, you have to want to find it.  I arrive at the spawn location and notice it isn't around.  Son of a bitch.  Who the hell thought it was a good idea to come kill this thing when I want to do my quest?  People are so inconsiderate.  Looking at the spawn conditions, I realize this isn't something I'm just going to sit and wait for.  21-24 hour timed spawn.  Yeah, screw that.  However!  It was 10am and we had an impending update coming.  I figured maybe we'd have a server reset and the NM would spawn when they came back up.  I let myself time out there during maintenance and hopped on as soon as the servers were back.  To my dismay, no NM.  So I'm back to being flustered.  Next I decide to run out and find this Rampaging Ram.  Naturally, I've been out here for 2.5 hours with no spawn.

The frustration level was rising, and I'm already recovering from the flu.  Added stress isn't something I should be pursuing.  While doing all this, I'm watching some chatter in an LS that I'm visiting (I don't consider myself a memeber right now).  Of course, by no fault of their own, it's the usual "x event is so easy, I can solo such-and-such NM, look at all my shinies" conversation that takes places everywhere I try to avoid.  Chatter like that directly hits my self-esteem for whatever reason, and compound that with the frustration over this quest and I began to feel myself slipping away into that void of self-doubt that I seem to find myself in more often than not.

Before I let myself go completely, I zoned out for a moment.  I have to stop doing this to myself.  The reality of it is that I truly am trying too damn hard to keep up with people.  That's where I'm wrong.  I don't have to keep up.  What I have to do is be me.  That is what got me to the point where I am today as a player.  Of course, this doesn't mean that I will give up my desire to have nice things.  That's stupid.  I am still going to work on my Empyreans, and one day, I will have a relic.  I want to join a Neo-Nyzul Isle static and get awesome gear from there, as well as do the new Einherjar and Limbus.  By no means is this is a declaration of living contently with what I have no and relinquish all desire to improve.  It is; however, a realization that if I don't stop swatting the ghost of my own iniquity, that I am going to cause myself serious pain.

Over time, I have come to develop that elitist mentality, and I am worse off for it.  I have a saying in my bazaar, "You are what you believe yourself to be."  It's true, and I am becoming a victim of such thoughts.  I believe that I am not a good enough player to be considered among the upper echelon of people.  I have had numerous people say things to the contrary, but my self-esteem doesn't allow me to believe them.  I've run parses and have come out on top or within the top 3 during several fights.  I am not some incompetent person who operates without a clue and just "lols" through every screw up.  I learn from my mistakes and always strive to improve.  I have blogs written about me by my friends.  I don't know what I've done, but I must have done "something" right in my time here.

Sure, my name my never appear in the FFXIAH listing, and I might live my entire FFXI life without more than a handful of people who know who I am.  However, those who do know me have stated many times that they enjoy my presence.  Hell, some of them even adore me, and I adore them.  That means something.  Will I ever reach the ranks of the top-end players?  Probably not, and I have to learn to be ok with that.  Chasing the love of those who don't know me while shunning the love of those next to me will inevitably leave me a very lonely and isolated player...as well as a person.

So, I'll continue my farming of these stupid ass NMs and slowly make my way to having another Empyrean weapon.  I'll work on the rest of my projects and finish what I can in the time that I can afford to give them.  If hanging out with my friends means that I don't get whatever awesome item is out at the exact moment of release, that's ok too.  What matters is that I don't lose myself in the process, and that I keep those precious few friends of mine close.  Ranking be damned.

Of course, saying this is easy.  Making myself believe it and stick to it will be the challenge.  I can do it, right?

I don't even know what to say...

Yep.

I did it.  Again.  Again.

Heaven only knows why.  Actually, I think I might know too.  History says this will be a short return, but whatever.  So I've been away from here, living this thing called life.  Working more hours, doing instruction, bought a car, etc, etc.  Played some different games and have been generally enjoying myself.  Well, not really.  Still stuck in the single life, which is a whole different brand of depressing, but truly...I play videogames and have a personal blog about it.  Even E-Harmony couldn't find a match.  Another story for another time.

So here I am...back in Vana'diel.  All I can say is...what...the...fuck.  Why?  Why the hell am I here?????  I signed on last night after realizing my time with Borderlands has become nothing more than farming and fighting the same damn boss over and over again in the hopes of getting a rare weapon that will let me kill another boss over and over and over again.  Of course, I miss my friends in Vana'diel, but it's not as if coming back here is suddenly going to make them all gravitate to me and want to hang out.

I saw some familiar faces, and was even greeted with excitement by a few.  Several "Welcome Backs" and even got flirted with a bit.  Oh, I was also told to write about how awesome Swk is, so...let everyone know that Swk is awesome because I'm saying so.  Don't argue with my words.

It was great to see Regan, Lillie, Alerith, Garn, Dierdren, Swk, Darkdestroyer, Keyoku, Doccan, and several others.  I even got invited to a pick up group for Neo-Nyzul Isle.  You know I was excited to do that because I couldn't get that even when I was in a top-tier linkshell.

Anyway, back to why I'm here.  I don't know.  Nothing has changed.  Drop rates still suck; people still dual-box the hell out of NMs and apparently not having a relic means you're a shitty player and should live a life of shame.  Granted, I've only been here for a few hours since last night, but I haven't seen anything that makes me think Vana'diel is any different from several months ago.

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same action under the exact same conditions while expecting a different outcome.

I suppose that means two things.  I either need to change the way I view and play this game so I can enjoy it like so many high-end players, or just accept the fact that I must be insane and continue to drive myself to boredom and insanity while standing around Port Jeuno...hoping for something different.

The third option would be to just walk away from this game, but we've seen how well that worked out.

You idiot.

So much anger. So much hate. I don't have tears of sadness, but sheer rage. What's worse is that I can't blame or lash out at anyone but myself.

I was staring it right in the face. My eyes read over the text multiple times. I even talked about it with my linkshell mates. Why didn't I stop? Why didn't something in my head click and make me realize what I was about to do?

What am I talking about? You can probably already guess. A bazaar purchase. The things people laugh about on Blugartr and such. As they say, there is a sucker born every minute. I just became one.

Dynamis currency seems to be the latest scam people are doing. Sell singles for the price of a 100. Since so many are trying to raise the price, people are constantly rushing for a good deal...or what appears to be one.

I've been spotting these ripoffs for awhile now, and today my sense of awareness failed me. I walked away from his / her bazaar feeling really satisfied that I had made a good purchase. I happened to look at another bazaar and saw the same thing I bought, but an incredible amount cheaper. I looked twice at the other bazaar, thinking "wait..why are they selling so low?". Then a sinking feeling hit me and I realized they weren't selling low at all.

My 4 million gil deal just turned into me paying 3.9 million gil more than I should have. I went numb. This just happened, and all I can do is stare at my screen. I pick up my controller and don't move. A friend is asking me what I want to go do and I can't think. If I had millions upon millions to spare, maybe I'd just be pissed and move on. It's not like that, and I can't do shit about it.

Can't yell at the seller because it was a fair transaction. The price was in plain sight, the game asked for confirmation...I have no defense. I fell victim to someone's greed and my own oversight.

For the rest of, please double and triple check people's bazaars. I would hate for any of you to feel what I am right now.

In case you're wondering, the person's name is Moooch. Fitting, eh?

All together now

I had an interesting moment of reflection a few days ago. I saw Alerith online, hanging about in Abyssea-Attohwa. Since I didn't feel like trying to gather the massive amount of +2 items that I have partially completed, I figured I'd go so what he was up to. Well, I actually just volunteered myself and ran out there.

What I found when I arrived was a rather funny, although pitiful, display of people fighting Blazing Eruca. I'm sure we can all agree that figuring out the trigger methods and purposes was a pain in the beginning. Not only were we clueless, but we were also much weaker than we are now. Empyreans at every turn, new weaponskills, better armor, and just a deeper understanding of Abyssea makes most of these fights pretty simple. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for this group.

Anyway, I'm only going to focus on one person for this. The Ninja. I made the joke of her "pinking it up" since she was in full Aurore gear. Personally, I don't care and I'm not going to argue the merits of Aurore vs. Empyrean. She was fighting the NM to get seals, so obviously she didn't have the Empyrean yet. I just like saying "pinking it up." During the fight, she was using Blade: Ten to attack. Based on Blazing's HP bar, that attack wasn't doing much. People started asking if she had Blade: Jin, but she never responded. A couple of fights later, she began using the attack. Progress! Then we had a fight where the trigger was water spells. Ale used what he could, the BLM cast his spells, but nothing happened with the Ninja. Some asked if she tried the spell, but again...no response. Then she states "I don't have the tools for that."

If this were several months to a year ago, before the universal tools were introduced, I'd understand that. Or at least, I'd be more understanding. Carrying all those tools back then was a pain in the ass, and definitely a reason that I had very little interest in leveling Ninja before. That's obviously not the case now. One stack of tools is all you need. Thankfully, Ale had some and gave it to her. So that was one more issue resolved. We move on to another fight, but now the trigger is wind. Once again, Ale does his thing and so does the BLM. When it's the Ninja's turn, she casts...but she casts Huton: Ichi. We tell her it's the wrong spell and she needs to use Ni. As you can guess, she responds by saying that she doesn't have the spell. Now the rage within begins to come out of me. Yet, before I could lash out with a bunch of rude statements that had been filling my head, I had a flashback of when I first started.

I was BLM without a clue, and I happened upon a fellow BLM in Windurst who, out of sheer kindness, gave me a large sum of gil that I immediately and stupidly blew on spells from a vendor instead of the auction house. Regardless, he helped me. I have had help from tons of people over the years, and it was their help that has got me to where I am now. Does that excuse this Ninja and her lack of preparedness? Not in the slightest. At the same time, it made me think. How often do we see ourselves or other people criticizing and calling other people out on their mistakes or "improper" gear choices? I personally see it every single day. Someone out there is an example of "urdoinitwrong" or however people say that silly phrase. However, we rarely ever reach out and show these people the right way, or at least something better. We could argue that this game is old and you can find everything you ever want or need to know with some forum crawling, but does it really hurt you that much to take some time out and help someone else? Even if what you're helping them with is a 10k Huton spell on the Auction House, help is always remembered.

One of the common phrases you see in this game is that it's dead or dying. This game is not dead. There are still plenty of people signing on and doing things. There are still plenty of shouts going on in Port Jeuno and Whitegate. We don't sign on to empty servers and wish that other people were around. What *is* killing this game is people's reluctance to interact with others that they don't already know. It's like joining a linkshell now. When you join a shell, you should be a part of that group. Included in what they do, and feel like a part of something bigger than yourself. Instead, it's "Hi, welcome to the shell. Go get all of your gear upgraded and augmented on your own, build your own Empyrean, and basically do whatever you want by yourself or get people outside the LS to help. Once you have that, come show up for our events. Enjoy!"

When we refuse to help others, we are isolating them. When people feel isolated, they lose their drive. When you have nothing to strive for or you feel that you can't connect with anyone, then why stay? While FFXI is not incredibly difficult in many aspects, it most certainly is a group-oriented game. If all we have are cliques that we refuse to open and bring others into, then we are definitely dooming this game. As people leave, and they will, who is left to fill in the gaps? The people you once refused to help? Good luck with that.

Sensitivity Training

If you're new to this blog, there are probably quite a few things you don't know about me. Then again, you could've been here from the start and still not understand me. One thing about me is that I am highly (and I do mean highly) sensitive. I don't mean that break into tears when I see the sunset, or I'll curl in the fetal position if you insult me. Not at all. My sensitivity comes up on the subject of racism and sexism.

What does this have to do with FFXI? Incoming QQ folks.

It has a lot to do with it. Perhaps it's not just FFXI, but I have never seen so much of it elsewhere. I spend a lot of time online in this game; maybe way more than I should. I guess that is why I see so much anger, sexism, and racial slurs. I know a lot of it has to do with the internet and its anonymity. No identity, no repercussions = no cares. There's a study about it, but I'm typing on my phone and can't look at more than one page at a time. Plus I'm doing Logwatch. Yay logsm

Anyway, back to the game. I see this stuff everyday, and recently it's really begun to take its toll on me. The use of things such as (anyone offended by these things....leave now.) " niggers, japs, bitch (for women), faggot," and whatever else you can think of. Or when people sit around make jokes about rape and dead babies. Really people, since when was a woman being raped or seeing a dead child ever considered funny? I'm not so naïve to think that I can go somewhere and never be exposed to such...verbal garbage, but to see it EVERY SINGLE DAY?? I think what upsets me more than seeing / hearing it are the excuses people give for it.

"Oh come on, it's just a word."
"It should only offend you if it applies to you."
"I don't have strong English."
"I'm not really like this. I'm just joking around."

Naturally, this only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to bullshit excuses. These aren't just words; they have serious meanings to them. The sticks and stones phrase we were taught as children was an outright lie. Words have started wars; they have motivated people to give their lives for a cause, and driven others to take their lives. To say that these words, which have a meaning deeply rooted in fear, ignorance, or hate is simply "just a word" absolutely baffles me. Worst yet are the people who say they don't have a problem with the people these words are meant to insult and are actually very caring and sympathetic to what they have gone through. Well...if that is how you feel, then why the hell are you letting these words come out of your mouth?

I really don't know what to say about these things. Am I too sensitive? Should I be like the rest and just completely forgot what these words have done to people over the years? If I'm supposed to jump in and be on board with the Internet Hate Machine, then I am sorry to say that I won't be joining. Caliburn says that I simply still value the meaning of words. I just wish that so many others could do the same.

But...I thought you liked it hard?

So much to complain about, but my computer is broken and I'm too lazy to build a new one.

Anyway, remember when they announced the level increase and the rumors about the battle to take place? If you browsed the forums for any length of time, you would run into post after post after post of people begging the developers for a challenging fight. No, they didn't want to just grab a few Kindred's Seals or Crest and spend 20 merits. Nope. They wanted a fight. A real fight that would take everything they had learned and force them to come up with new methods for taking down a new and incredibly challenging boss.

Or 1 White Mage, 4 Monks, and a Summoner with Alexander.

I'll have to look back on the forums, but I'll be damned if someone didn't call this. They saw it coming. Not the setup, per se, but the reaction of the players. As soon as someone found a method to win, it would become the standard and people wouldn't bother to actually try any other way. So much for the challenging fight, right? Who needs to think about any strategy when you can just go in with Perfect Defense, Hundred Fists, and just spam Asuran Fists until you win?

Not only has it become the standard, along with a Black Mage Manaburn style, but people are being shunned away and unable to join in the fight if they don't have that specific job leveled. This is what amazes me. What happened guys? I thought you wanted a challenge? I thought you wanted this to be super difficult since it's the last level increase we'll have? So why are you turning away that 95 Dancer who's asking to join, or the 93 Bard who's been looking for days? Oh, is it because they don't fit the guaranteed winning method? Could it be that you're a hypocrite?

/gasp! It can't be true, can it?

Of course it is. People are full of shit in this game. Clamoring and crying about wanting a challenge, only so you can find the quickest, cheapest, and highest rate of success setup. Post it on wiki, and never actually think about trying a different setup. Of course, there's the other side to that argument, where you're just trying stupid setups for the hell of it. (ie 5 Bards and 1 PUP, or something equally stupid).

Now to deal with the "what's wrong with being efficient? Who wants to do a hard fight when you can just use that method to win and move on?" type of people. What's wrong with it, you ask? It's wrong because you begged for them to make it hard. That's what's wrong with it. You, the players, asked them to make a hard fight. Something that would kick your ass if you didn't have your A-game ready. That's what you got. A Tarutaru Monk who put you on the floor without even blinking, and what did you do? You turned-tail and ran away, looking for some cheap ass method to win. You found it, used it, and now go around Port Jeuno telling the people who need the win about how easy the fight is.

A few days ago, I was in Altepa with Alerith, and we were going to try Bennu. Is it an incredibly hard fight? No it isn't, but we decided to go with a non-standard setup of NIN/WAR and PLD/RDM. Things were fine and moving along nicely until one fight when we had Bennu, Ouzelum, and two other adds on us. It went from a smooth fight to chaotic, but we held it together. When it was over, we felt pretty damn good. As a matter of fact, we felt great. We went as a non-standard setup, had a difficult battle, and won. While it's nothing to run around bragging about, it made us both feel good. Could we have made it easier? Of course we could have, but where's the challenge in making things easy?

When they first released the level cap, I was waiting and hoping that this wouldn't happen. Maybe we actually would go into battle and have a really difficult fight that we could walk out of with our heads held high because we overcame a serious challenge. Something that made level 99 mean something. Unfortunately, being level 99 mostly means you happen to know a few Monks and a Summoner.

Hooray for challenges.

Wishing for simpler times

First thing's first. I apologize. I've been without a PC for awhile and it's been making me a little crazy. I've been very busy in the world of FFXI but haven't had a means to convey my actions to all of you. No promises of a long blog explaining what has happened since then, but there is one thing I'd like to mention.

See, I joined this small group of people a few weeks ago for Abyssea. Just a few people, and usually 3 or 4 during each event. Fights were exciting and since the group was small, people seemed to bond a bit faster. We were getting items and gear constantly, and it was just incredibly fun.

Then more people came.

I'm not sure how to explain my reaction. A bit of selfishness mixed with hesitation, but still optimistic. I don't know what the definition of "lowman" is, so I'm not sure if we are still a small group or not. Most of the new people are names that I didn't know, so that always makes things a little uncomfortable. Aside from the obvious part of gear acquisition slowing down, now events just take longer. Takes longer to start because we're waiting for so many more people. When everyone gathers, we have to wait while it's decided what we're going to do. More people = more decisions = more time spent planning.

Fights aren't as simple as they were before. I swear it takes longer to do the fights now than it did before. Maybe that's my mind playing tricks, but it sure seems like things went smoother and faster when we first started. Turul excluded, mind you. That thing's just a bastard. Now I see people getting frustrated, events lasting even longer than before, and it just doesn't seem as enjoyable anymore. Still, I can't help but think back to a few weeks ago when it was just a few people having a good time in Abyssea.

You'd think that me saying all this means that I don't like linkshells or large group events. Well, I do admit that lowmanning seems easier, but this is a large scale MMO. It makes sense to have events with a lot of people. In all honesty, I still like that. It's just that this group started out small and fun. As we expand, things just don't seem that way anymore.

I know my thoughts are selfish, and it's probably a bad thing to even admit them. These are all nice people. I feel pretty crappy for thinking this way. Still, a part of me really does wish that it would just go back to when it was all so simple.

It's late and I'm tired. Maybe my mind will be different in the morning. Happier rants await!

Is it still awesome?

Think back to when Abyssea was first introduced. Let your mind wander to the Magian Trials' introduction and our first level increase.

The game we had come to know and love (or despise but can't leave) was about to be turned upside down and inside-out. The majority of end-game content that we were used to was soon to become obsolete in the eyes of many. The only thing we were missing was an appearance of the Silver Surfer delivering his quote from the Fantastic Four movie.

All that you know, is at an end.

Despite all this, people rejoiced at the perceived rebirth of FFXI. We now had actual new content, and not just a cheap event that people could finish in a day. As time went on, we figured out the key to obtaining never before dreamed of experience points. Jobs were leveled at amazing rates, and everyone loved it.

Then we discovered Abyssites and the NMs within the zones. Yet again, people were overjoyed and championing SE for their efforts. Soon after this, the discovery of Atma was found, and the hunt began. Weeks of research, theory speculation and testing...so much to do. Then the second update came, and now there is new Artifact Armor. Once we received the base items, it was discovered that we needed upgrade seals. Etc, etc, etc.

Abyssea has a staggering amount of things for players to do. When you look at everything this new content has to offer, it's mind-blowing. Now, there's even more content coming in just a few days, and we haven't even chewed through the stuff we have. Some of the major linkshells on my server, such as Excellence, Whirling Wind, Teletubbies, and others have managed to make phenomenal progress with Abyssea. How the hell you manage it is something I hope to one day understand. For now, I tip my Tricorne to you. For others; however, Abyssea is becoming a curse. Especially for some LS leaders. Unless you are a shell that is all-out Abyssea, you're going to run into the major problem that this content brings in terms of your members: time.

As Tal said, everyone wants to Get Shit. Everyone also understands that their desire to Get Shit won't always match with the desire of others. Some people will spend days farming AF in Attowha Chasm, while others chase NMs in Misareaux Coast. People are farming seals in Vunkerl Inlet as others are running after the Caturae. When it comes time for events, not everyone has the available time to participate.

The first reaction is to blame the members. If they want in on the event, then they should save the stones. Seems logical, right? Now pair that with the undeniable reality that people are judged based on what they have. Add to the fact that they know their shell simply can't do everything that they want them to do because it's not fair to the other members. Can any one person expect their shell to run out and do an event based primarily on their individual desires?

Of course not. Since I've started, there has always been a certain mentality of FFXI: If you want something, go out and get it. Don't expect your shell to do it for you. You want CoP cleared? Don't wait for an LS event; get out there and shout. You want the Razed Ruins Atma? Join an Atma LS. That awesome body armor you want? There's no telling when your LS will fight that NM, and you certainly aren't guaranteed to get it if they do. This thought process has carried over to the limited timeframe people are given within Abyssea, and it's not always a great result.

Do you take the selfless act and wait for your shell, hoping that the points you've accumulated will be enough to get the things you want? Do you sit back and ignore that shout for the NM you've been dying to kill, when it's not even on your shell's radar? From what I have seen, most people are not waiting. Like I said, I see the major players making progress, but I don't seethat same thing happening for many others. If you guys could share your methods, I imagine so many others could enjoy the happiness that you all have. I doubt that will happen, but it's a nice thought.

So to the LS leaders who have watched your shell crumble and the individuals who have been searching for a way to navigate this content, my question is this:

Is Abyssea still as awesome as you thought?

Let the lulz commence

Just like clockwork, SE has released more notes about the upcoming version update. As expected, it contains quite a few surprises, both good and bad. While I'm always nervous that something will inevitably break or become nerfed, one thing that I can always count on is crying.

Currently, the loudest whiners are the Dark Knights. See why I chose not to level this class? Imagine how emo I'd be right now as opposed to just bitchy. Yes, you got a crappy and ultimately useless job trait. We know you can't parry worth a damn, so a trait that rewards you for something you more or less never do is insulting. I completely agree with your anger. You even got another shitty ability to intimidate arcana, which has been non-existent in Abyssea. Again, useless.

I understand your frustration. I'd be pissed too. What I wouldn't be crying about is this bullshit concept that your class has been put in a grave and can no longer be considered a viable DD option just because Warrior and Monk got some nifty stuff that you didn't. If you couldn't do shit to keep up with them before, don't get pissy about it now. While I'm sure their new abilities are going to be nice and shiny for now, you don't know how they're going to actually be used until the update. For all you know, there might be something else in store for DRK around the corner.

What I find especially amusing, with any class that feels left out, are the people who spent their FFXI lives on a job and then make all these threats to quit. Stop that already. You're only as useless as you make yourself. I remember a DRK in an Abyssea party who bragged non-stop about how he rarely needed to be healed as long as he had haste due to the curative properties of the Catastrophe weaponskill. Going on and on about his awesome damage and whatnot. Now that he got two useless abilities that don't hinder his current performance, he's threatening to quit. Really now. You're going to quit because SE seems to be leaving you in the same state that you're currently in? You'll still do great damage, won't need healing, and can still kick ass...yet you want to quit? Do you guys think about the things you say before you say it?

Cry when things are taken away. Scream and shout when they reduce your effectiveness. Threaten to quit when they take everything good about Dark Knight and reduce it to rubble. But seriously, don't bitch just because you got something you probably won't ever use.

If it makes you feel better, just remember the skillchain bonus trait that Dancers got. Cause you know, everyone wants Dancers to use their TP for weaponskills and not healing / sambas.

That special group

You know what I wish I had more than anything else in this game? It's not gear, gil, power, or anything of that sort. What I desire is to have a small group of competent and skilled friends.

Now, I actually do have friends who are very skilled. Extremely skilled, in some cases. However, they are rarely available. Those who are available aren't usually around at consistent times, or I can only find one or two people at any given moment. Because of this, I usually wind up doing a lot of things on my own or with pickup groups if I'm lucky.

I truly don't understand why it seems so difficult for me to find a small group that I fit into. This should not be confused with a feeling of isolation with my current LS; I don't feel that at all. It's quite the opposite. I'm very much at home with this group. Well, when I can access the vent server, at least. Right now, I'm a bit detached from them because of some internet problems, but that's another tale.

What I'm talking about is that group of friends that you run out and do small things with. You know, go fight some NMs, do some quests or missions, farm some items...that sort of thing. That's the kind of group I want to be in, but my friends are always so scattered or already in their established groups. I don't always think about this type of deal, but a recent event brought it to the forefront of my thoughts. Are you ready for a story, my wonderful minions? Here we go.

---

A couple of posts back, I mentioned I had returned to leveling Summoner. I definitely like the job, but I had more or less retired that class. There's a reason behind everything I do, even when it appears trivial. Remember all the talk about improving some of my primary jobs? Summoner was never on that list, but I've been using that job more often than not lately. The reason behind this is because there are some other items in Abyssea that I am after, and really don't want to bother my LS or other people for. Items that are important to me don't necessarily have that same meaning for anyone else.

Enter the realm of the Iron Giants. I'm sure you've seen shouts for their items in Port Jeuno while you're looking for a party. Well, in my quest to improve, I noticed that these enemies have a few items that would be really useful to me. The first giant on the list for me is Ironclad Severer. I chose this one for multiple reasons. With this one, I could improve 2 jobs that are very useful in Abyssea (BLM / SMN) and there is also an item that would really help me with my melee TP set for Dancer, Corsair, and quite possibly even Ranger.

The next step was figuring out how to beat it. This is where SMN came into play. Could I do it with other jobs more effectively? I actually think I could do it faster as an RDM, but I still don't have wyrmal legs for movement speed. Though I have the Atma of Ambition, I think I'd be cutting just a bit too close for comfort. If I do ever get those pants, I'll certainly give it a shot. So I get SMN leveled, merited, and head off to find this thing. The first fight was not fun. I had no idea what to expect, despite reading wiki. I died multiple times, but I was fortunate enough to be on at a time when no one was camping. I came back each time until I finished the fight. Pitiful as it may seem, this is only the second major NM that I have ever fought on my own; the first being Boompadu a while back.

I remember telling Dierdren when I won. My hands were shaking and I was so excited to realize that I could not only fight this, but I could beat it. Naturally, the first fight took a long time for me. Well over an hour. Chalk it up to being inexperienced and afraid to take risks. Not to mention the whole multiple death and homepoints. Near the end, I did have a bit of help from Jamarn so it wasn't a 100% solo effort. Still, I was more confident to fight this without help now that I had an understanding of what it would do. Along with this win came the first of the upgrades, which went to SMN. While I could've taken the BLM piece too, I wanted Jamarn to have something for coming out and helping.

This was to become the place where I spent most of my solo time online. If I wasn't trying to build time somewhere, I was searching for this NM. When I saw people online who I thought might be willing to help, I'd wait to see if I could get the claim and then ask them to come out. Sometimes they would be able to, but many of the fights were done without them. At times when I arrived and someone was fighting it, I noticed something very different between them and me: They weren't alone. No matter who I met in that area, no one was ever by themselves. If a single person was there and got the claim, it was only a few minutes until an entire party arrived to help them.

So then I started to wonder, why don't I have that? Where's my group? For all the friends I've got on my friend list, why can't I get that small band of people that does stuff like this? I didn't want to beg people to come help me, so I just stuck it out and asked the few people that I saw online.

I think the most disheartening news I received during this whole thing was when I encountered a Japanese THF at the camp one day. I was fighting the giant when I got caught without Stoneskin and died. While there, a WHM was watching. I asked if they wanted an item and was willing to give it to them if they needed it. They said "I'm sorry" and I continued on until I died. At that moment, another Summoner entered. Then more people came, including this THF. He was the reason they all showed up. Turns out he and I were both after the last and most important item from this NM, Taranis's Harness.

There wasn't any expressed hatred from either side. I lost the NM and they claimed it. Fair is fair, I suppose. Miliani did show up to help me, but I more or less figured they would kill it and I just wanted the ToD. Turns out that Ironclad was pretty pissed from all of us messing around with it and it dropped the other group too. We got it back and continued the fight. While it was technically "my" NM since I got it when it first spawned, I felt a little sympathetic towards the other party. So I made a proposal to team up. It took a little while through auto-translate, but he agreed and we made it a team effort. Stupid giant still didn't put out, but now I had a small team to do this faster. He was willing to camp Severer as long as it took, but I had to run for Dynamis before the next spawn. Naturally, I get a tell mid-run. "{Body} GET ! ! ! !" Goddamn Dynamis.

Anyway, when our run was over, I resume the camping. The THF would talk to me in /t, but he was nowhere to be found as far as camping was concerned. He then told me: "You {/no} {Element} WS = {/no} drop." Referring to triggering the weakness of Abyssea NMs, he more or less told me that I was shit out of luck on getting that harness as long I was fighting as a Summoner. There was simply no feasible method for me to trigger the weakness. A part of me hated him for saying that, but he seemed to be right so far. Breathem tried to help me a few times with weaknesses, but it just didn't happen. The thought of not having a group got to me more and more.

People say that it's so easy to get a group of friends and go do things whenever you want. I beg to differ. Then again, maybe it's just me.

Keeping up with the Joneses

There's always the pressure of wanting to stay current with things. Not just for the betterment of yourself, but because this game is fueled by elitists who are quick to point out how inferior you are when you don't perform to the perceived minimum standard.

You can usually tell them to go piss off and still manage to enjoy your time.

However, do you ever feel more pressured to keep up with your friends or associates? You know, the ones who generally accept you exactly as you are, regardless of your gear or skill. The ones who don't really care about all that, yet are somehow phenomenally much farther ahead or better geared than you.

Sure, you might wander about town and see someone with a Masamune and wish you had one, but it doesn't bother you. Hell, you might even see someone out there with the very gear you've been dying to have, but you aren't upset because you don't know them. Then you get a tell from one of your friends who tells you they were randomly invited to a group to kill an NM that you've personally been trying to get help with for ages, and you go into a silent rage. Does this ever happen to you?

Obviously, it happens to me or I wouldn't be talking about it. Truthfully, I feel bad for admitting this. Even worse for actually feeling that way. These are my friends, and I should be congratulating them. I do, but there's always that feeling of "wtf?!" in the back of my head. I should be happy that they went off and got the atma from Eccentric Eve and others with just a pickup group. Cheering them on because they got a random invite to a zone boss just for shits and giggles. I am supposed to be thrilled when they get an Abyssea party that lasts for 10 hours non-stop with drops galore and people leveling left and right. I should be super ecstatic when they send me a tell with nothing more than an item name of their latest drop, followed by a large smile.

Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I were actually a part of that fun when my friends go out and do things. It would be nice to get included on things other than just events. Jealousy and envy are horrible things to have, especially towards the people who are your friends. Considering that though, it's quite possible that I really don't deserve to be included.

After all, a real friend wouldn't be envious, right?

It's not their fault.

I told you I wasn't happy today. No Abyssea, no stones, and not a hell of a lot that I was really motivated to do. That's how my online day was looking. With the exception of one thing later in the evening: Dynamis - Xarcabard.

That was the only thing I looked forward to the entire day. I did things around the house as I sat online, and headed to zone roughly an hour early. Of course, I took a nap when I got there but that really doesn't matter. So 6pm EST arrives. Time to get ready and kick some ass with the hopes of finding an Etoile Casaque for Dancer so I could be extra freaking sexy. So tired of wearing a damn Scorpion / Raparee Harness all the time. I was sitting across from the trail markings and waiting patiently. A few others were there and even more began to trickle in. Things are looking good.

Of course...something had to happen. It just can't ever be easy.

Another LS shows up. Vana'diel's Finest. An odd name considering their history, but we won't delve into that right now. There is one bit of history to take into consideration, yet it's not directly related to them. Remember that server merge from awhile back? Well, it's been the source of a considerable amount of drama between Cerberus and Hades. The lovely Dynamis Calendar. The subject is old and beaten, but never dead. Hades was very attached to that calendar for the most part, but Cerberus never bothered or seemed to care about it. Now that we have become a part of Cerberus, we're still used to the calendar and try to respect those who decide to follow it.

As I'm sure you can guess, VF is not one of those shells that chose to follow it. So let's jump back to the present. They show up, and we make note of it. Cerberus linkshells are notorious for "zone-jacking," as they call it. Doesn't matter if you see a shell gathering at the markings. If they aren't inside and you're ready to go, then they lose. Calendar reservations and polite requests be damned. You move it or lose it. I think that's a pretty shitty and disrespectful approach, but that is the reality the people here choose to abide by.

Naturally, we lost the zone. The single event that I was looking forward to was gone, and I was pissed. We didn't have everyone ready, and we knew what that shell was going to do. Now, what upset me more than anything wasn't the fact that we lost the zone. It's why we lost it. It wasn't VF's fault; it was ours. This wasn't an event borne out of a spontaneous decision. We knew about this since the beginning of the month. It's on our website. Yet when the time came, we weren't ready. It wasn't some bullshit zone like Dynamis - Bastok, it was Xarcabard. People want gear from that place. You can skip out on damn near every other zone, but Iceland gear is nothing to scoff at. Dynamis Lord is in Xarcabard, relic fragments are there, NMs that can drop crazy money are there, and some of the most desirable AF2 is there. Yeah, yeah, AF3 and all that. Whatever, AF3 is a goddamn nightmare right now.

So what can we do for next time? How can we prepare better? For starters, maybe log out near the markings? Save yourself some headache trying to rush out to the place so we can enter. Just take a few minutes before you leave the night before or whenever, and log out by the markings. Oh, but what about the job you'll use? What if they want you to come as something different? Again, think about it. Every one of us pretty much has one or two jobs that we go as during Dynamis events. So gear up as one, and have the other gearset handy if you have to change. If you get called upon to go switch, use the Field Manual by the markings, and swap your stuff out.

One of the problems we encountered was that we didn't have a particular job when it was time to enter. In all honesty, and this may not be the right thing to say, but that's just too bad. Adapt. Maybe I'm making this all too simple in my head, but just because we're missing a job at that exact moment doesn't mean that we should screw ourselves out of a 4 hour event. We've got to be able to adapt to whatever circumstances we're faced with. We are just shit out of luck otherwise.

These other people will not wait for us to put our pants on and get all dolled up for entry. They don't give a damn if they see us standing right on top of the trail markings. Was their entire LS standing there when they went in? It didn't look like it, but they went with what they had. That's what we've got to do. Jump in and get shit done. The rest of our group will catch up. If they don't catch up, then that's unfortunate for them (myself included).

Now it sounds like I'm blaming my LS for what happened. It was our fault for what happened, so in a sense, that's true. Though I do not fault any single individual. Sure, VF pulled a shitty move, but that shouldn't come as a surprise considering where we are now. They've done it to us multiple times, and they'll keep doing it. Still, my point in all of this is that I think we need a reality check. As of this moment, our only safeguard or method of preparation is basically hoping that another group can't get their shit together before we do. If that's the case, then we might as well fill our schedule with Dynamis - San D'Oria runs, because we will lose the other zones...every. single. time.

Why Not?

I'm not happy today. At least not right now.

I'm unhappy because I want to party and level Paladin. I'd like to finish Bard as well, then move on to Summoner. However, I can't do that right now. I don't have enough time, and it's no one's fault but my own.

I haven't spent a lot of time doing seal quests and things like of that nature, so those aren't why I'm out of time. It's not due to the two times I spent fighting NMs with my small group of friends either. So how the hell is it that I now have to sit in my Mog House while I wait on stones to recharge?

Partying. The very thing I want to do is the reason why I don't have enough stones to do what I want to do. Conflicting, no? You see, it's not just parties though. There are instances where some people have partied using the same 3 stones since Abyssea came out and they have over 100 stones just sitting in a vault somewhere. So why am I different? Well, it's because I join bullshit parties that have been killing my time.

I'm a nice person, and that's my problem. I'm considerate and always want to give people a chance, even when I know better. I don't want to be "that person" who sees a party that isn't ideally perfect and jumps ship to find something else. You know, the person who says they have to go when someone else leaves and then say they couldn't find a rep. Of course, you do a quick search and find 20 people that could've filled their spot. If I lead a party, I don't want to be that bitchy person who's shouting and yelling while calling people morons because they are doing obviously stupid shit. Such as fighting Murexs who almost always open with a powerful spell and watching our RDM do nothing to silence them as the entire alliance gets struck with Thundaga III on Lightningsday.

So, because I'm so nice and passive...I end up staying with parties that aren't the greatest and watch as my time slowly dwindles down to nothing and then get upset afterwards. I probably wouldn't be able to bitch about half as much as I do now if I honestly just got up and left when I had a bad feeling about an event or party I was in. Quite possible that I wouldn't be as stressed either. Other people do it all the time; why not me too?

Why not just sign off when I'm bored during an event or don't feel like going to a particular zone for whatever reason? Take a hit on attendance and lose a point or two. No big deal really; random drops are random, and I don't have nearly enough points to outbid anyone on the things I actually want anyway. So I'm last to get it no matter how I look at it.

Why not just bail on parties I get invited to when they aren't the best they can be? There's no rule of loyalty to the person who invites you, so why should I have to stay when people don't get their shit together and the group starts to fall apart? Why should I bother explaining my reason for going or waste my time trying to find a replacement when I can see the party is going downhill? Are they going to stand by me if I made a party and things weren't that great? Would they stick around to help improve it? Of course they won't.

So why do I bother? I believe in giving an honest effort, all the way to the end (or as close as I can comfortably get). I go to zones or events that I don't want to do because it can't always be about me. I try to stand by party leaders in Abyssea because it would be absolutely horrible if everyone did nothing but look out for #1 instead of the person next to them.

I do most of what I do because I like to think that I'm doing the right thing. Even if the end result is me sitting in my Mog House, waiting on a damn stone to recharge.

A Method to their Madness

So I got bored last night and decided to spam a quest for fame in Misareaux Coast. While doing so, I naturally got some seals for a few AF3 pieces. Luckily for me, I'm one of those people that aren't affected so much by the random distribution of seals because I can use nearly all of them. It's more a question of will I bother with them when it's all said and done.

Not everyone is in the same boat as I am though. I notice a lot of people complain about making these quests easier, or increase the drop rate of the seals based on your job, being able to trade them to others, etc. I can imagine the frustration of someone spamming these quests and getting seals for every job except the one they want. That would piss me off too.

While all of those suggestions would be great, what if we're the ones bringing this misery on ourselves? Admittedly, I'm among the first people to call Square-Enix stupid with the things they do, but maybe this isn't one of those things. Well it is, but not in a blatantly obvious way.

Most of these quests are easy. Ridiculously easy. In some cases, it takes more time to actually get to the NPC and activate the quest than it does to complete it. Because these quests are so simple, how much of a reward are we truly entitled to? We already get cruor and fame for virtually nothing, and you can repeat several of these quests too. I checked my fame and am considered the Jewel of Misareaux Coast, yet all I did was repeatedly give a guy some sausage to eat. So when I get some random seals for a job that I don't particularly care about, I can't really bitch about that when everything else I got is taken into consideration.

That still doesn't answer the question of how to obtain the seals we want though. Many people are getting "useless" seals and it frustrates them. Maybe there is another answer, but has little to do with quests. You guessed it; I'm talking about the NMs in the area. Is fighting an NM more difficult than spamming meat delivery quests? I'd imagine so, but think about the rewards. You get experience points, possible gear, atma, key items, AND the chance at seals. Sure, there's always the possibility that seals will drop for a job you don't have or want but, if you take a group with you, maybe someone else can use them.

That method isn't nearly as fast as quest spamming, but it does have greater rewards. On top of that, haven't people realized that Abyssea is a group effort? There's plenty you can do by yourself if you're really that hung up on it, but you simply cannot get everything you want if you do it alone. Maybe you can, but you won't get it quickly from what I've seen. I'm going out on a limb by saying that perhaps SE wants us to realize that as well and look for the more challenging and group-oriented way to obtain these seals. There's always the incredibly high possibility that I'm wrong, but it is something to consider.

Ignorance and Curiosity

Humans are naturally ignorant. It's just a fact of life that we really don't know much. The things we believe we know today will change in time and we'll be thrown on our heads as we struggle to cope with the new reality presented to us. Due to that ignorance, we're also very curious. We experiment and test new ideas at almost every available opportunity as we attempt to move from ignorance to enlightenment. This can be a very dangerous thing. As the saying goes, "Curiosity killed the cat."

Or in this case, curiosity killed the alliance.

---

There I was, remembering how to be a Paladin in Abyssea - Misareaux Coast. As much as I've been putting it off, I figured it's high time to get this class caught up with everything else. I'm not so sure this whole "main assist" thing is for me though. As soon as I target an enemy and get ready to do something, it's dead and I sometimes find myself struggling to target the next enemy amidst a crowd of bloodthirsty adventurers so they can smash it. I'm sure there's probably a macro for selecting the nearest enemy, but I've yet to figure that one out. See, there's some ignorance on display. Now to use my curiosity to find the answer...later.

The target for the day was none other than those damn birds, so I got to kiss my food goodbye and say hello to some facial beaking. It took me a minute to get my groove, but I think I did fairly well for the time we were there. I almost got a level and recapped my time, which is a great thing because I'm insanely low on stones. I really should get my fame up and do that damn abyssite quest. As we were fighting along, dropping bird after bird, I noticed something in the distance. Someone had died, but not by one of the birds we had pulled to camp. No, no...this was different. There was an NM in our midst, and I had no idea how it got there.

At first, I thought it was just going to deaggro and go about its way. Yes, that was a stupid thought. I wasn't certain what we were supposed to do. Then I saw it kill another person and I realized it was just going to wander around and peck the alliance to death. So, I did what any other sacrificial idiot would do: I provoked it.

Now the alliance had no choice but to fight. Someone did the call for help so we wouldn't lose the exp chain, so there goes the chance of any groovy rewards from it. What I didn't realize about this NM was that it copies the buffs of whoever it uses a certain TP move, and that other colibri link with this one as well. This should not have been a problem, but no one was sleeping the links and we ended up having a very bad time with this thing.

Needless to say, people were pissed. How the hell did this thing show up and cause a wipe. I figured it was a timed spawn and we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone else knew the truth, and that's why he was pissed. Avalerion isn't a timed spawn, it's a pop NM. No one else but people from our alliance were there, but everyone was silent when asked about what happened. Then it happened...

"Oh that's what it was? Lol, I traded the item but didn't think anything was going to happen."

Ignorance and curiosity are a very deadly combination indeed. Our scholar happened to receive the spawn item and just blindly traded it to the nearest ??? he saw because he was curious. Some people said to just get over it and continue, but other people didn't have such a kind reaction to his seemingly innocent action. He tried to say that he's only played for two years and has been to Abyssea a total of four times, with this being his first visit to Misareaux. I want to say something to defend him, but I honestly can't come up with anything. When you are new to an area and by yourself, then feel free to explore and sate your curiosity as much as you like. When you are new and with an entire alliance, well...save the curiosity for later.

An entire alliance, wiped because someone thought it would be funny to randomly trade an NM spawn item in the middle of an exp party without knowing the consequences. Isn't curiosity great?