Plans

As anyone who has read more than two blogs here can tell, I get stressed easily by this game.  Which is funny when you consider my line of work requires me to have a calm disposition and analyze / solve problems.  Great at my job, horrible at this game.  Well, whatever.

A conversation a few days ago put me on this huge thinking path.  I was just bitching (well, whining) to one of my friends about things here, and he asked me a very simple question that I couldn't directly answer.

"What's your goal?"

Damn you, Swk.  Making me think so much.  Honestly, I couldn't tell him.  You know how you have people that are experts in certain aspects?  They can work magic in any one thing, which makes them seem like they can do anything.  That's not me.  I'm no expert in anything, but I can do some of everything.  I realize I'm that way in life as well as this game.  However, that doesn't work so well for FFXI as it does in reality. 

He asked me what I was working on, and I started listing several things.  I have partial currency for a relic, items for 5 Empyrean weapons, a plethora of +2 items, all sorts of abjurations, and various sorts of other things that aren't done.  The first thing he told me, after saying "wow", was "focus".  That has always been my issue, and I believe it could also be the source of my stress.

I'm too scattered.  My fear of being inadequate for linkshells and groups has put me on this path to improve without focusing on what I want to improve on.  When it comes down to it, you can spend your entire time in FFXI working on one single class.  Me?  I'm working on everything that a person could ask me to change to.  Stressing out over getting a Tessera Saio, or my Enhancing magic capped, or pissy because I haven't got an Armada Hauberk yet.  Upset over my perceived lack of usefulness due to not having level 99 weapons.  All this stuff can make you crazy.

So now, I realize what I need is a plan.  This is harder than it sounds, because planning means I have to do something I am definitely not comfortable with: asking for help.  Most of what I do is by myself, which is also what leads to me being so scattered.  I do what I can by myself, and then switch to something else until someone happens to be available to help me with what I was doing before.  Of course, since I won't ask for help, I end up moving on to several projects by the time someone is available.  Then I stress out because I don't have inventory space and all these unfinished projects that I've obligated myself to do.  It's a vicious circle, and I understand that it's my doing.

The next question is, "What do I do to fix it?"  Well, I'm not going to just trash everything that I've done and promise to do things one at a time because that would be stupid.  I'm going to need some help, both with getting projects done and also keeping myself from getting into this position in the first place.  Easier said than done for me, but it has to be done.  I know I'm not going to stick to a single project because I'll get bored if I can't work on it constantly. So I'll do a few things and leave it at that.  Truly, just a few things.

One other thing that I've been having difficulty with is money.  Not only in making it, but spending it.  Granted, I don't have the umpteen bazillion gil that I see many of these others with, but I can afford to spend some money on a few upgrades.  Which is exactly what I started doing.  Part of improving requires some purchases.  Sure, there are better options out there which are r/ex, but until I can get that, I have to get at least something.  Small upgrades here and there, but they will all help out in the long run.  Not to mention, it's hard to be taken seriously if you're too afraid to put in effort or risk being broke just so you can make yourself better.

Speaking of scattered, I'm trying to write this blog while doing Voidwatch.  I really need to stop multi-tasking so much.