February 25, 2012


It's never easy to give up something you enjoy or are passionate about. Case and point is me blogging about a game that I'm not supposed to be playing. Maybe it would have been easier if I were enraged when I decided to give away the currency I had saved up for my relic and sign off. Maybe if I had just sold everything I had, or deleted my character. Hell, I haven't even canceled my account, and I honestly doubt that I ever will.

I never wanted to leave in the first place. Of course, it's not like I've been gone for long anyway. Barely a week now, I think. I have plenty of things to do besides FFXI and I've been doing them. Still, I miss the music. I miss the friends I hardly got to see. I miss my damn greatsword and Resolution. Seriously, you people have no idea how cute I am as a Dark Knight. Adorable AND badass ...yeah.

I don't know what I should do. Log on and subject myself to the same lonely feeling that has plagued me for months; or stay signed off and keep having this desire to sign on? A friend of mine used to play Warcraft heavily, and he fought his desire by putting the CD on a barbecue grill to destroy it.

I couldn't do that even if I hated this game. Disc cost too much when I bought it.

February 21, 2012

What are you doing, Jaci?

Long story short...I'm done. If you care to know why, keep reading. Otherwise, take care.

A few days ago, I saw a friend that I haven't seen online for awhile. For the times he was around, he was always in Altepa. When I asked why he was leveling so much, he told me that he managed to acquire all of the materials for two Empyrean weapons and was raising his classes to match. I was shocked. I hardly saw him online, and he's hardly the type to use /anon. So I asked how he managed it. His answer set my mind on a path that made me realize it's time to walk away from Vana'diel.

He simply said: "I dual box."

Dual boxing is nothing new, and I don't have any problem with those who use it. There was a joke in the Excellence LS that we had more mule accounts than active members. Even in my current shell, there is a nearly 1:1 ratio of real:mule accounts. However, it never mattered to me before. So why now?

Well, it matters now because mules used to be brought out when we couldn't find people, or when circumstances truly called for it. Now, it's become the norm. Which is fine in a way because it grants people freedom to do what they want, when they want. At the same time, it also takes away one of the very things I loved about this game. Groups.

I can't blame all of this on dual boxing. The level increases have made us stronger than ever, and old content is laughable at best in terms of difficulty. So why make parties for something you can do alone? For me, I'm more interested in the journey. I miss being with my friends. Laughing together or getting pissed at one another. We were doing things together and making memories. When I look at my screenshots now, they're all of me. Solo, solo, solo. Either that or it's me with several random people I may never meet again. That doesn't do anything for me.

Linking the latest item I get in LS chat means nothing to me if the people in the LS weren't with me while I was getting it. Sure, they say congratulations but what does it matter to them? It doesn't. There are no memories to be shared with them. I remember Bey while we worked on my Gandiva; cutest Taru white mage with attitude in the land. Popping NMs without fear and running across the zone to find me. Or Frice always getting himself killed because he drank too much and didn't focus. EP and his knack for being late to everything. Neebix and Lillie always yelling at each other during our events. The memories made and the time spent with friends means more to me than any item I'll ever get in this game.

Truthfully, I have had to fight the urge to sign on since I left. I want to play. I spent three years of my life making Jacinda what she is now. I just leveled Dark Knight (shut up) and got my cool Resolution weapon skill. I want to come back and have fun with my friends. The problem is most of my friends are gone. The ones who are here are involved in their own things. I wouldn't expect anything else, either. It's not their responsibility to do things with me just because I feel alone.

That is what it all comes down to. I am playing an MMO more or less by myself, and I don't want to do that anymore. So anyway, that's my story. If any of you got to the end of this, know that I am going to miss you all.

February 11, 2012

You idiot.

So much anger. So much hate. I don't have tears of sadness, but sheer rage. What's worse is that I can't blame or lash out at anyone but myself.

I was staring it right in the face. My eyes read over the text multiple times. I even talked about it with my linkshell mates. Why didn't I stop? Why didn't something in my head click and make me realize what I was about to do?

What am I talking about? You can probably already guess. A bazaar purchase. The things people laugh about on Blugartr and such. As they say, there is a sucker born every minute. I just became one.

Dynamis currency seems to be the latest scam people are doing. Sell singles for the price of a 100. Since so many are trying to raise the price, people are constantly rushing for a good deal...or what appears to be one.

I've been spotting these ripoffs for awhile now, and today my sense of awareness failed me. I walked away from his / her bazaar feeling really satisfied that I had made a good purchase. I happened to look at another bazaar and saw the same thing I bought, but an incredible amount cheaper. I looked twice at the other bazaar, thinking "wait..why are they selling so low?". Then a sinking feeling hit me and I realized they weren't selling low at all.

My 4 million gil deal just turned into me paying 3.9 million gil more than I should have. I went numb. This just happened, and all I can do is stare at my screen. I pick up my controller and don't move. A friend is asking me what I want to go do and I can't think. If I had millions upon millions to spare, maybe I'd just be pissed and move on. It's not like that, and I can't do shit about it.

Can't yell at the seller because it was a fair transaction. The price was in plain sight, the game asked for confirmation...I have no defense. I fell victim to someone's greed and my own oversight.

For the rest of, please double and triple check people's bazaars. I would hate for any of you to feel what I am right now.

In case you're wondering, the person's name is Moooch. Fitting, eh?

February 9, 2012

Just a side note

You know, I miss exp parties. Not the revolving-door alliance parties we have now, but the good old 6-man setup. It's not that I want to level slowly or that I even enjoy it. However, those parties created something that these alliances just don't have time for.


Think about it. How many friends on your list did you find in an exp party? You were close to the same level, and before Level Sync, you needed to keep those people close because there was no telling when you'd find another paladin, ninja, white mage, rdm, or what have you. Those exp parties turned into static parties, which then became AF hunting parties. You spent all that time together, and you inevitably started to have conversations with each other. You just can't get that anymore. I honestly can't think of the last time I made a real friend since Abyssea.

Sure, there are people I associate with and even share a laugh or two. An actual friend, though? I have a friend list full of people I barely ever talk to, and conversations aren't usually that exciting. I join linkshells, but again, it's that clique mentality. You're either a part of the "in-crowd" or you sit on the sideline and just watch them do whatever. The friends made from ages past have now moved on to other things. They may still be in the same game, but you don't spend the time with them like you did before.

When those friends leave, what's left? Where do you find a new friend, or do you just wander about on your own?

I know this isn't a long post, and it's not my typical bitching. Just something I felt like sharing.

Bey, Frice, Yoko, Bhin, Dizzmal, Ally, Breathem, Key, Garn, and so many others....if you ever happen to read this, I sure as hell miss you guys. Playing in the sandbox simply isn't the same anymore.

All together now

I had an interesting moment of reflection a few days ago. I saw Alerith online, hanging about in Abyssea-Attohwa. Since I didn't feel like trying to gather the massive amount of +2 items that I have partially completed, I figured I'd go so what he was up to. Well, I actually just volunteered myself and ran out there.

What I found when I arrived was a rather funny, although pitiful, display of people fighting Blazing Eruca. I'm sure we can all agree that figuring out the trigger methods and purposes was a pain in the beginning. Not only were we clueless, but we were also much weaker than we are now. Empyreans at every turn, new weaponskills, better armor, and just a deeper understanding of Abyssea makes most of these fights pretty simple. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for this group.

Anyway, I'm only going to focus on one person for this. The Ninja. I made the joke of her "pinking it up" since she was in full Aurore gear. Personally, I don't care and I'm not going to argue the merits of Aurore vs. Empyrean. She was fighting the NM to get seals, so obviously she didn't have the Empyrean yet. I just like saying "pinking it up." During the fight, she was using Blade: Ten to attack. Based on Blazing's HP bar, that attack wasn't doing much. People started asking if she had Blade: Jin, but she never responded. A couple of fights later, she began using the attack. Progress! Then we had a fight where the trigger was water spells. Ale used what he could, the BLM cast his spells, but nothing happened with the Ninja. Some asked if she tried the spell, but response. Then she states "I don't have the tools for that."

If this were several months to a year ago, before the universal tools were introduced, I'd understand that. Or at least, I'd be more understanding. Carrying all those tools back then was a pain in the ass, and definitely a reason that I had very little interest in leveling Ninja before. That's obviously not the case now. One stack of tools is all you need. Thankfully, Ale had some and gave it to her. So that was one more issue resolved. We move on to another fight, but now the trigger is wind. Once again, Ale does his thing and so does the BLM. When it's the Ninja's turn, she casts...but she casts Huton: Ichi. We tell her it's the wrong spell and she needs to use Ni. As you can guess, she responds by saying that she doesn't have the spell. Now the rage within begins to come out of me. Yet, before I could lash out with a bunch of rude statements that had been filling my head, I had a flashback of when I first started.

I was BLM without a clue, and I happened upon a fellow BLM in Windurst who, out of sheer kindness, gave me a large sum of gil that I immediately and stupidly blew on spells from a vendor instead of the auction house. Regardless, he helped me. I have had help from tons of people over the years, and it was their help that has got me to where I am now. Does that excuse this Ninja and her lack of preparedness? Not in the slightest. At the same time, it made me think. How often do we see ourselves or other people criticizing and calling other people out on their mistakes or "improper" gear choices? I personally see it every single day. Someone out there is an example of "urdoinitwrong" or however people say that silly phrase. However, we rarely ever reach out and show these people the right way, or at least something better. We could argue that this game is old and you can find everything you ever want or need to know with some forum crawling, but does it really hurt you that much to take some time out and help someone else? Even if what you're helping them with is a 10k Huton spell on the Auction House, help is always remembered.

One of the common phrases you see in this game is that it's dead or dying. This game is not dead. There are still plenty of people signing on and doing things. There are still plenty of shouts going on in Port Jeuno and Whitegate. We don't sign on to empty servers and wish that other people were around. What *is* killing this game is people's reluctance to interact with others that they don't already know. It's like joining a linkshell now. When you join a shell, you should be a part of that group. Included in what they do, and feel like a part of something bigger than yourself. Instead, it's "Hi, welcome to the shell. Go get all of your gear upgraded and augmented on your own, build your own Empyrean, and basically do whatever you want by yourself or get people outside the LS to help. Once you have that, come show up for our events. Enjoy!"

When we refuse to help others, we are isolating them. When people feel isolated, they lose their drive. When you have nothing to strive for or you feel that you can't connect with anyone, then why stay? While FFXI is not incredibly difficult in many aspects, it most certainly is a group-oriented game. If all we have are cliques that we refuse to open and bring others into, then we are definitely dooming this game. As people leave, and they will, who is left to fill in the gaps? The people you once refused to help? Good luck with that.