Pigeonholed

I think this week is going to be called "Jaci's Emo Week," because I'm just in a griping mood lately. First one of you to make a PMS joke gets an arrow to the brain.

Moving on...

I like Black Mage. It's one of the main reasons I started to play this game. Well, that and a friend of mine convinced me to sign up. Regardless, I've always been attracted to flashy spells and big kabooms. Nothing booms more than a BLM, plain and simple.

Let's skip the whole "woe is me, for no one parties with a BLM" rant for now. I think we all know about that. I got over that ordeal and made it to 75 anyway. What bothers me now is my role within my LS.

Again, I like Black Mage. Actually, I really like the job. Definitely among my favorite, even though I'm little more than a glass cannon most of the time. Cast a couple of spells and then patiently wait for a raise. It's what I do. What I don't enjoy is always being a BLM. Like anything done excessively; it loses its appeal over time. Just like when you got a license and you drove your friends around. It was fun the first 5,000 times. Then it got old, and now you don't feel like giving your friend a ride to the hospital after they were shot in the heart.

One of the fun things in FFXI is being able to level multiple jobs. This is true for any MMO, I'd imagine. Considering that I have yet to see a single person in this game level one job and only one job, it's safe to say that nearly everyone has several at their disposal to fit any given situation. Sounds reasonable, yes?

So for the love of all things holy, why am I constantly stuck in events as a damned BLM? Why? Really, I do know about other jobs. I'm no expert yet, but I'm not an idiot with my other classes either. You need something blown up, then sure...BLM it is. You need a tank? I got that. How about some sliced mob on a platter? SAM to the rescue. By the end of today, I'll be able to do long distance poking as a 75 RNG. Hell, I'll even change to WHM if I have to. (Please don't ask me to though; I die a little inside when I'm a WHM.)

It drives me nuts to have the ability to do so much, yet rarely get to do any of it. Over time, you hear about people needing to be more diverse so we can cover each other and fill in the gaps. Learn different jobs so you can appreciate what the "other side" has to go through. There are more things, but I'm certain you've heard them all before.

Now, I would be lying to say that I never get to use my other jobs during events. I have. I've been a Paladin during an SCNM once. It was fun. I had even learned Atonement prior to the event, just so I could be a bit more useful. Did the same with Death Blossom for RDM. Figured there would be times when we were going to fight a fairly magic resistant enemy. Smack it with some flower-power and proceed to /pwn. That doesn't happen though.

I've done a lot of things in this game. None of them for the sake of showing off, but so that I could be more useful to my shell and friends. Several months ago, a serious inner conflict caused me to leave my shell because I felt useless. Now I've returned, with more jobs, gear, money, spells, and knowledge than before. Yet that feeling is still there. Not because I haven't improved, but simply because I haven't been able to show anyone that I have. In my eyes, that's practically the same thing.

Yes, I know that we do things we don't always enjoy for the sake of the shell. Grin and bear a few things to increase the prosperity for everyone involved. I get that. Truly, I do. At the same time, when the welfare of the shell continually holds a higher priority over the enjoyment of the individual, then the "game" is no longer a "game."

Then you have to ask yourself: What exactly is the point of playing a game that stops being fun?

We all know the answer to that one.

For the record, no this isn't some goodbye post. I'm just venting. Told you this is my emo week.